HEY, DUDE, haven't
had a date since the Fig Festival 12 years ago? Are you about as cool as a Bob
Dole bumper sticker? Do girls walk by you like you're running a seminar on jock
Buddy, your worries
are over. Tom Brady, coolest man on the planet, has volunteered to be your new
You know Tom Brady,
right? Three-time Super Bowl--winning quarterback of the New England Patriots?
Esquire's Best Dressed Man in the World in 2007? Boyfriend of $33
million-a-year Brazilian supermodel Gisele B�ndchen, whom Rolling Stone called
"the most beautiful girl in the world"? Former sweetheart of meltingly
hot Hollywood starlet Bridget Moynahan?
"You want me to
help guys be cool?" Brady asks, after I tell him the deal. "Why me? I
was the little sports nerd in high school who hardly ever had a
The guy must have
no mirrors in the house.
Six-four with a
chin you can crack coconuts on. Eyes greener than the 13th at Augusta. And one
of those oh-darn-I-forgot-to-shave-and-now-I-look-like-a-cologne-ad beards. But
it's not his heroic arm or his lifeguard body or his Crest smile that makes
women smooth their skirts and men curse their parents. It's that he seems to
see himself as a tall Milhouse.
"I get so
embarrassed having everybody looking at me," he says. "I just want to
stop and go, 'What are you staring at?' "
"I mean, I'm
just walking out the door, you know? And people follow me! I have to disguise
myself now. I never go out without a hoodie on. My head is always down! I never
make eye contact anymore! It's like I'm not even myself!"
True to yourself.