Steelers star Ben Roethlisberger has his appendix removed, and you ask,
"When will he be back?" Whereas I ask, "How much you want for
This is because
you are looking at America's No. 1 collector of the missing, removed or
replacement body parts of famous athletes. In fact, I'm the curator of the Body
Parts Hall of Fame and Diner. Our motto: Hey, it won't cost you an arm and a
You want to take
This is our
signature room, with the famous of the famous. There's Tommy John's elbow
ligament. The spleen that Peter Forsberg ruptured in the 2001 playoffs. In the
pickle jar there is Mickey Mantle's first liver. 'Course, it was pickled before
it went in the jar! Hah! We love to kid around here!
Let's see ...
Leon Spinks's two front teeth (we're surprising him for Christmas), Alonzo
Mourning's bad kidney. Here's the three false teeth that Bobby Hull auctioned
off in Quebec in 2004, the ones he says were lost "during a bedroom romp in
a Geneva, Switzerland, hotel." O.K., ewww.
What else? You
wanna see Ted Williams's head? I've got it in the freezer. No?
O.K., now we come
to a very popular exhibit--Testicles. The kids call it Ball Hall. Lots of
athletes are an egg short, but some of them never get over losing one. John
Kruk visits his a lot.
Get a lot of
horse racing fans in here, too, just to see what they snipped off Funny Cide
and John Henry. And over here is what we call the junk room, on account of
we've got tennis pro Renee Richard's junk in here, from when she was still
Richard Raskind. A lot of people really--Hey! Fido! Put that down!
on.... Here's the Wing wing. Nothin' but arms. Here's the forearm that mountain
climber Aron Ralston had to saw off with a pocketknife to set himself free from
a boulder. One-armed St. Louis Browns outfielder Pete Gray's other arm is next
to it. And here's a wild one. It's the right arm of the great bare-knuckle
fighter Daniel Donnelly. What happened was, a surgeon bought him as a cadaver,
realized who he was, sawed the right arm off and mummified it. Be a funny back
You wanna give me
the finger? I'll take it! Here's Mordecai (Three Finger) Brown's other two.
Here's the chunk Boston Celtics guard Gerald Green plays without. Ooh, here's a
good one. After one disastrous North Pole trip, explorer Sir Ranulph Fiennes
couldn't stand the pain in the frostbitten fingers of his left hand, so he took
a vise and microsaw and lopped off the tips. Hey, saved an HMO copay,