All of us aren't born with Spackle for brains. Don't give us alltime PGA money leaders. ( Jack Nicklaus is 102nd, just behind Tom Byrum.) Give us alltime PGA tournament wins. (Nicklaus is second, behind Sam Snead.) Don't give us 1,000-yard rushing seasons. (My God, Kevan Barlow of the San Francisco 49ers ran for 1,000 yards last year, and he needs two forms of I.D. in his own kitchen.) Give us 100-yard-game rushers. ( Jamal Lewis of the Baltimore Ravens led the NFL in 2003, with 12.)
Just because it appears on the ticker across the bottom of the screen doesn't make a stat worth typing. Only two teams held Michael Jordan to fewer than 25 points per game in his Chicago Bulls career: Toronto and Vancouver. Held? No, Jordan sat down because his team was ahead by 220 points. Lenny Wilkens is No. 1 among coaches in NBA wins. Yeah, and he's No. 1 in losses, too.
That's another notation we need to start sticking in the record books--PU (Propped-Up stat). Cal Ripken Jr. owns the major league record for consecutive games played.PU (Yeah, but in 1990 he hit .250. You think maybe a little pine time might've helped him and the Baltimore Orioles?)
A.C. Green holds the Ripken record in the NBA.PU (Yeah, except after he caught an elbow in the mouth and lost two teeth, he twice propped it up by coming off the bench and standing on the floor for about 10 seconds and then sitting down again. What are we trying to prove--that he can climb out of a hospital bed?)
Jerry Rice caught at least one pass in 274 straight games.PU(Yeah, wonderful, epic player--except that for a couple of years the Oakland Raiders propped up that streak like the guy in Weekend at Bernie's. Early in every game it was slant to Rice, step-back toss to Rice, one-yard buttonhook to Rice. And when the streak ended recently, the usually elegant Rice threw down his helmet in disgust--in a Raiders win.)
Michael Adams held the NBA record for most consecutive games making a three-point shot.PU (Unfortunately, Adams got so desperate to keep the streak alive, he was jacking up threes one step off the bus. No wonder a lot of these streaks come with another streak at no charge--a losing streak.)
I mean, if we're going to keep track of pointless stuff like that, then let's keep consecutive games with a flop ( Vlade Divac). Consecutive plate appearances in which batter readjusted his wristbands, helmet, pants and groin after every freaking pitch ( Nomar Garciaparra). Lockouts nobody noticed until six weeks after the season was supposed to have started (NHL).
Anyway, sorry, I had to rant. I'll see you next week, as usual.PU