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- Faces in the CrowdJune 11, 2001
A: If you had turned him down for 86 years, he might have.
Q: Do men consider belching a sport?
Q: What's the deal with men and the remote?
A: See, when we were boys, we had popguns, dart guns, BB guns. Now most of us only have the remote. It feels good in our hands. We're not switching channels to see what else is on, we're shooting the thing that is on. Bang. You're dead. Next victim.
Q: Why do men wear jerseys to the game? Do these nimrods think the coach will suddenly put 135-pound accountants in?
A: For the same reason women wear tennis outfits to the U.S. Open. What, you think Martina is suddenly going to say, "Hey, you, in the $500 Neiman Marcus tennis dress and $5,000 tennis bracelet, I need a doubles partner"?
Q: My boyfriend is constantly saying, "Hold on, Honey, only a minute left in the game." Twenty minutes later it's still on. How fricking long is a sports minute?
A: An NFL minute is 17.3 minutes in real time. An NBA minute is 43.8. Neither of these, though, is as long as the "I-only-need-a-minute-to-fix-my-hair" minute. When men hear that, we take our coats off and finish doing the taxes.
Q: Why must our infant son wear eye black during Eagles games?