CHIVALRY IS OFFICIALLY DEAD
Asked why he hasn't accepted any of the NBA assistant coaching jobs that he's been offered, Scottie Pippen told the Chicago Sun-Times, "They weren't the right fit.... Every time a girl looks at you is no reason to take her out for a date. Some you might just bring to your room."
NOW STAY TUNED FOR UPCOMING SCENES FROM THE LITTLEST GROOM
After Vikings receiver Randy Moss pantomimed mooning fans in Green Bay during a wild-card playoff game, Fox announcer Joe Buck said, "That's a disgusting act by Randy Moss, and it's unfortunate we had it on our air live."
SHE GOT LOOSE IN TURN 3
NASCAR announced a joint venture with the publisher Harlequin to produce a series of romance novels centered on stock car racing.
When Minnesota Vikings running back Onterrio Smith was stopped at an airport checkpoint, guards found the Original Whizzinator--a prosthetic penis designed to fool drug testers--stowed in his luggage.
"AND I DON'T LIKE JALEN'S GARDEN EITHER"
Asked by the Detroit Free Press what he'd say to President Bush when the Pistons visited the White House, forward Rasheed Wallace replied, "I don't have [expletive] to say to him."