TURNED OUT HE DIED IN 1978
At his viewing, deceased Pittsburgh Steelers fan James Henry Smith was stretched out in a recliner and draped in a Steelers blanket, with a remote control in one hand, a beer and a pack of cigarettes at his side and Steelers highlights playing on a TV.
HE'S NOT RIDING IN MY SQUAD CAR
After receiving complaints for months, police in West Memphis, Ark., finally arrested a 39-year-old man for jogging naked.
ANOTHER JOGGING PARTNER YOU DON'T WANT
Shoe manufacturer Goosebumps Products Inc. sued the supplier of its insole-gel chemicals because, they said, customers complained that every step produced the sound of flatulence.
AND HER SHOES WERE FARTING AT 102 DECIBELS
The London Sun measured Maria Sharapova's grunting during a Wimbledon match at 101.2 decibels.
VLAD THE IMPOUNDER
New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft urged Vladimir Putin to try on his 124-diamond Super Bowl ring, which the Russian president promptly pocketed.