O'Neal keeps his teammates up until the wee hours by mixing records on two turntables in his dorm room, usually playing Suzanne Vega's headache-inducing Tom's Diner as the backbeat for YZ's Who Is the Man With the Master Plan? He playfully mocks the local media with his postgame "ratings" of himself and his team. Or with his one-word responses, which he calls SHAM. "And that's in capitals," O'Neal says. "It's code talk for my Short-Answer Method."
Peter Pan? Or is this guy testing material for a guest shot on Arsenio Hall?
The other evening The Shack revealed to a totally suckered journalist that the cellular phone ringing in his van was actually a fake, a toy "cellular clone" that he had used to fool his coach and athletic director on an LSU team flight.
A short time later O'Neal downed a Blimpie sandwich-Hawaiian Punch dinner, the size of which would take out 14 Roseanne Barrs, not to mention her husband. The Shack says he skips training-table meals on game days for this very same nutrition at Blimpie.
"That personality profile you signed before the season?" the journalist said to O'Neal. "It asked for your most humbling experience, and you answered, 'I've never had one.' You weren't serious, were you?"
"Notf Fyet," O'Neal said in a Blimpie-muffled version of a blocked shot.