Frank Layden, coach of the hapless Utah Jazz, to a fan who had just called a referee a fool during a meaningless game late in the '81-82 season with the almost-as-hapless Kansas City Kings: "Who are you calling a fool? You paid to watch this."
Derek Hardy, head golf pro at Snee Farm Country Club in Mount Pleasant, S.C. and Beth Daniel's teaching pro, on why he charges $1,000 for a single lesson yet offers a series of 13 lessons for $140: "If you expect a miracle, you should expect to pay for one."
Tug McGraw, Phillies relief pitcher and proud owner of a 1954 Buick: "I like it because it plays old music."
Carol Mann, golfer, on New Orleans Saints Coach Bum Phillips' crew cut: "It reminds me of a good three-wood lie."
Rich Kelley, much-traveled NBA center, complaining that foes had lately been using unusually rough tactics against him: "Either I'm playing with my face more, or they're playing with their elbows more."