Thank Heaven For Danny

Setting: Heaven's gate, decades from now. St. Peter clutches a clipboard and nervously checks his watch. A crowd of dignitaries and a group of cherubic cheerleaders wearing white sweaters emblazoned with the letter A are also on hand. Two older men wearing varsity sweaters stand patiently at St. Peter's side. St. Peter calls for quiet. The sound of a basketball being dribbled off in the distance is heard. It gets closer until, suddenly, a tall, thin figure with a boyish face and wearing a Toronto Blue Jays cap appears out of the clouds.

ST. PETER: Danny Ainge! How are you, my son? We've been waiting for you.

AINGE [shyly]: Thank you.

ST. PETER: Got a lot of your old Brigham Young teammates up here, Dan. A few Blue Jays, too.

AINGE: That's nice to hear.

ST. PETER: We wanted to arrange a thematic kind of thing for you, maybe some sort of BYU reunion, but they like to keep things nonsectarian up here.

AINGE: Oh, I wouldn't have wanted any special...

ST. PETER: NOW one thing that I was able to get through the board was a little cheering section [pointing to the girls]. I call them [grandly] Danny's Ainge-els! Ainge-els, you get it? Not bad, eh?

AINGE: It's very kind, sir, very kind.

ST. PETER [pointing to the two older men]: And, Danny, here are two gentlemen I want you to meet, Frank Merriwell and Jack Armstrong. They'd like to—how do you say?—slap five with you. AINGE [shaking hands with them]: You're the guys sportswriters kept confusing me with. I'm glad to meet you.