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Most teams spend their training camp putting in an offense, working on a defense, practicing the kicking game, finding a rookie. The Lions found...well, Dr. J. Dr. Jerry. Dr. Jerry Argovitz, as in "I'm here to represent Billy Sims." And in the other corner, the blue corner, representing the Detroit Lions—General Manager Russ Thomas, owner William Clay Ford and the lawyers, as in "We've turned it over to the lawyers." And so, on sunny August days they were choosing their partners for the Contract Polka.
It went like this: "The guy's nuts, he's trying to negotiate a contract he himself got for Billy two years ago."
"Now waaait just one minute, podnah, all of us agreed that if Billy performed like the best in the NFL he'd get paid accordingly in his fourth year, his option year. We agreed, all of us, we even shook hands on it."
"See that, the guy's nuts, he's trying to negotiate a fourth year before the kid's even played his third, and besides, verbal agreements aren't allowed."
"But we agreed, dammit, shook hands, high-fived."
"Tell him to come to camp."
"I doubt he'll ever wear a Lions uniform again."
"Yeah, sez me, and we can turn it over to our lawyers, too."