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Among the discoveries of this magazine in its first issue two years ago was a story about Little Red Riding Hood, written in a tortured vocabulary invented by Professor Howard Chace of Oxford, Ohio. This week a collection of Professor Chace's versions of classic tales is being published by Prentice-Hall Inc. under the title Anguish Languish. In celebration of this event and its own second birthday, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED happily offers Professor Chace's translation of a baseball epic. For full enjoyment, it must, of course, be read aloud.
Heresy borsch boil starry a boarder borsch boil gam plate lung, lung a gore inner ladle wan hearse torn coiled Mutt-fill.
Mutt-fill worsen mush offer torn, butted hatter putty gut borsch boil tame, an off oiler pliers honor tame door moist cerebrated worse Casing. Casing worsted sickened basement, any hatter betting orphanage off .526 (punt fife toe sex).
Casing worse gut lurking, an furry poplar—spatially wetter gull coiled Any-belly. Any-belly worse Casing's sweat hard, any harpy cobble wandered toe gat merit, bought Casing worse toe pore toe becalm Any-belly's horsebarn. (Boil pliers honor Mutt-fill tame dint gat mush offer celery; infect, day gut nosing atoll.)
Bought less gat earn wetter starry.
Wan dare, inner Mutt-fill borsch boil pork, door scar stud lack disk inner lest in ink:
Water disgorging saturation! Oiler Mutt-fill rotors, setting inner grin-stench, war failing furry darn inner mouse.
Bought watcher thank hopping? Soddenly wan offer Mutt-fill pliers hitter shingle, an an udder plier gutter gnats toe beggar! Soda war ptomaine earn basis. Bust off oil, Casing ham shelf, Mutt-fill's cerebrated better, worse combing ope toe bet!
Whinny kraut inner grin-stench sore Casing combing, day stuttered toe clabber hens an yowl, "Dare's Casing! Attar bore, Casing!" An whinny hansom sickened basement sundered confidentially ope tutor plat, oiler Mutt-fill rotors shorted: "Casing roar! Casing roar! Roar, roar, Casing!"