Football is a
game on which ingenuity is lavished to the point of prodigality,
But there are two departments in which it is woefully lacking in
One is its songs which monotonously assault the gray autumn heavens,
And the other is its nicknames for the various college armies, or, as they are
misleadingly termed, elevens.
The songs we may
leave on the shelf.
They are so alike
that they remind me of the offspring of an amoeba which has endlessly
reproduced simply by splitting up itself,
But that the unoriginality of nicknames is a menace I have come to the firm
Because not only duplication is vexation but on the sports pages it leads to
chaos and confusion.
A man reads that
Tigers eye unbeaten season, and he has to rummage through the Tiger
Which Tigers is it, Auburn, Clemson, Colorado College, DePauw, Doane,
Grambling, Louisiana State, Memphis State, University of Missouri, Occidental,
College of Pacific, Princeton, St. Paul's Poly, Sewanee, Tennessee A&I,
Trinity U., or Morehouse?
He further reads
that the Bulldogs hope to twist the Tiger's tail;
Well, which Bulldogs, Alabama A&M, Butler University, Citadel, Drake,
Fresno State, University of Georgia, Louisiana Poly, South Carolina State
College, or Yale?
The consensus of
experts picks the Wildcats, but on whom do you place a bet with your friendly
Abilene Christian College, University of Arizona, Chico State, Davidson, Fort
Valley, Kansas State, University of Kentucky, Linfield, Northwestern,
Villanova, Wiley, or Bethune-Cookman?
Perhaps there is
another forecast more to your likings,
Indians favored over Vikings.
Try to pick that one out on your piana;
It can mean that either Adams State College or Arkansas State or Dartmouth or
Juniata or Mankato State Teachers or Midwestern or The University of Omaha or
Stanford or William and Mary is reckoned stronger than either Lawrence or
Upsala or Augustana.
Do you prefer the
Cardinals? The puzzlement still is cruel,
Which Cardinals do you prefer, those of the University of Louisville, North
Central, Otterbein, Wesleyan, or William Jewell?
And how about the Panthers and their kin and kith?
You have your choice between the Panthers of Iowa State Teachers, Middlebury,
The University of Pittsburgh, Prairie View A&M, and Philander Smith.
My patience is
breaking down, and my patience is not easily breakable;
I shall devote my loyalty to two teams whose nicknames are unique and
When I am told that the Kohawks are tangling with the Zips my disposition
becomes sweeter than saccharin;
I need no reference book to know that Coe College faces The University of