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NO, WE DIDN'T SEE IT EITHER
Los Angeles, Oct. 8. Walter O'Malley of the victorious L.A. Dodgers tonight electrified the sports world with the statement that the Dodgers would not play in Memorial Coliseum next year, even though their new stadium will not be anywhere near ready. Reading from a prepared statement, the ebullient O'Malley spoke as follows: "We are naturally tremendously pleased with our victory and with the support that the loyal Los Angeles fans gave the team throughout the season, the playoff and the Series itself. Their continued trips through our turnstiles have certainly put this club way into the black. As everyone knows, although we are, of course, interested in making money, we prize more highly the game itself. We all know it is a monstrous fraud to play major league ball in the Coliseum. Therefore, although at some financial loss to ourselves, but in the interest of preserving the high tradition of a fine game, we are going to play the 1960 season in the properly proportioned Wrigley Field. We know that the parking situation is bad, the number of seats is limited and the location is bad, but there are covered seats for day games and we will televise locally all games at home so that those who are unable to squeeze in the park will be able to watch on the tube and, by thunder, what they will see will be real baseball!"
The standing ovation which greeted this announcement lasted for one full hour. Telegrams poured in from all over the world. Prince Rainier bid for the left field screen as a submarine net for his little harbor. The custodian of the Hall of Fame started rearranging things in preparation for a new star and the local mayor asked that the name be changed from Cooperstown to O'Malleyville.
I am typing this clipping from memory as I seem to have misplaced my copy of it. Fact is, none of my friends saw it in the paper, but I'm sure I didn't dream it. Or did I?
LAST ANGRY MAN
If Mr. Slattery does not want to see the Dodgers play ball, this is his affair. However, after two years of residence in Los Angeles, the Dodgers have won the support of 99% of the baseball fans and the support of 100% of the people who were not fans before. We Angelenos do not have anything to gripe about.
GOOD HUMOR MAN
Six-foot eight-inch Lance was nicknamed Scoops by his teammates because he persisted in devouring extra scoops of ice cream at the training table. "True," says Scoops, "I can't shake the sherbet habit."
What we can't understand is why Double Dip has a weight problem when Scoops, a pint-a-night man, stays a trim 215 in and out of season. Speaking in terms of bulk, Scoops consumes 36 gallons of ice cream a year. This bulk figure not only includes his daily consumption, but an occasional weekend bout with a quart or a half gallon.