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Swell. So much for Shariff Abubakar, and may he have a hex of a good time next year. As for American football, we might as well double-check to be sure. Uh, did that ball feel a little slippery to you, Craig?
THE ABOMINABLE SNOWJOB
He is a big critter, oh, maybe 700 to 1,000 pounds and 8'6" tall. He has a 50-inch stride and leaves footprints measuring 16 to 17 inches across. He is the elusive, shadowy, apelike Sasquatch, the monster who roams the mountains of northeast Washington. Recently old Sasquatch has been clomping down from the high Cascades again, leaving dozens of those huge tracks around, and a lot of people are after him.
"He's no bear," says the No. 1 tracker, a professional hunter named Ivan Marx, who has hired five helpers and has a big private grant (some say $200,000) from the International Wildlife Conservation Society to find and identify the thing. The society has been assembling Sasquatch statistics for 11 years, but now Marx claims to have filmed proof of a 10-foot Sasquatch scuttling through the woods. He says the newest tracks around Colville come from a small Sasquatch, maybe a 500-pounder, and that there are five of them around. The giant footprints also have been discovered at the Arden community dump and show that at least one Sasquatch has a limp, poor rascal. His left pawprint, complete with toes, shows a malformation of the boxlike foot.
All this ruckus over the snow monster has assertedly brought hundreds of curious tourists to the Colville area (would you believe dozens?) and a bit of business. But not all are sure they want him caught, even though Marx promises to let him go again after identification. Now bumper stickers are available proclaiming SAVE OUR SASQUATCH, and old Bigfoot has been made official mascot of Spokane Community College athletic teams. His likeness will go on team uniforms, which is pretty tricky, since nobody knows what his likeness looks like, and he will be immortalized in school cheers. Two, four, six, eight! Who do we appreciate? Sasquatch!
NEVER SAY NEIGH
HEARTS AND SHOWERS
Although there are a few more weeks to go in the basketball season, we now have undoubtedly the saddest story of 1971—and no more candidates, please. Enter the Yates Lions, a Houston high school team, wearing nifty new uniforms. Then game officials notice that the 13 uniform numbers listed in the scorebook are the old ones and do not match the new ones. They call 13 technical fouls. Up steps Milby High School's best foul shooter, and converts 10 of his 13 throws. Then, still as a result of those technicals, there is no starting tip-off. Instead, Milby gets the ball out of bounds, the game starts and Milby immediately scores. It is now 12-0, and Yates hasn't even touched the ball. And when it is all over the Lions have lost the game 71-69, plus the district co-championship.
Not sad enough? There is more. Those officials later admitted they were wrong. The rules say they should have called only five technicals, covering the starting lineup, adding new technicals only if substitutes also wearing wrong numbers came in to play. Not that a little thing like that is going to make the Lions feel any better.
THE DANGEROUS GAME