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FROM HAIR TO ETERNITY
Franz Lidz
December 10, 1990
YOU CAN'T BECOME A SPORTS IMMORTAL, SAYS DON KING, WITHOUT FOLLICLES OF FABULOUS FECUNDITY
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December 10, 1990

From Hair To Eternity

YOU CAN'T BECOME A SPORTS IMMORTAL, SAYS DON KING, WITHOUT FOLLICLES OF FABULOUS FECUNDITY

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SI: Cosell's toupee has a life of its own. On TV, it almost seemed to be moving. King: He may tell it like it is, but he should have left it like it was. Which reminds me of a poem I wrote:

Little spider on the wall,
Ain't got no hair at all.
Ain't got no comb to comb his hair,
So what it care?
Ain't got no hair.

SI: What reminds you?

King: That Howard's got no hair. He had to go out and get an artificial substitute. You can buy hair, but you can't buy its power.

SI: Toupees don't secrete power?

King: They do, but it's dead power. Bald men moan, "My head's got to have hair! I can't live without it!" The urge becomes so all-consuming that they're willing to paste mats onto their scalps and have weavers prick at them with needle and thread. Can you conceive of the pain and misery a man must endure to have hair stitched into his skull? And then to have it look like you're wearing a muskrat pelt on your head.

SI: Jon Miller, a Baltimore Orioles' broadcaster, once wore a hairpiece so hideous that people stopped him to ask if he'd consider wearing a hairpiece.

King: That's the power of the want of hair, Jack. That's dead power.

SI: What do you think of athletes who wear curlers?

King: Male or female?

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