I want a slugger
who has whiffed four times in a game to say, "Hey, you try hitting a
splitter with a wicked hangover." I want Dick Vitale to tell us which
college hoops teams do have quit in them. I want Cadillac to release a
tricked-out Escalade for athletes and call it the Signing Bonus. And I want one
of those loony Little League parent-coaches to shout at his squad, "I'm
only yelling at you because I'm a bitter middle-aged man who unrealistically
expects you to live out my squandered hopes and dreams. Now go get
I want a player to
say he's leaving college early for the pros not "to take care of my
family" but because, "Do you know how much five million dollars is?
What do you think I am, crazy?" I want an analyst to compare a black player
with Larry Bird. I want a point guard to explain a stupid pass by saying,
"I was just trying to get on SportsCenter," and I want his coach to
respond, "That's O.K., I'm just trying to get my book on Oprah."
And most of all, I
want guys like Josh Howard to be commended, not condemned, when they risk being
honest. So Josh, here's to hoping you pass it around. The truth, that is.
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