Barry Bonds—Arsenio HallWay beyond hip. Great earrings. Beware of ratings slip in October.
Michael Jordan—Oprah WinfreyRich enough to buy Chicago.
Joe Montana—David LettermanStill smug in new home, still on top.
Kirby Puckett—Jay LenoNice guy. Trying hard. But the team's going nowhere.
Deion Sanders—Geraldo RiveraFull of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Shawn Bradley—Conan O'BrienHeight must count for something.
Mario Andretti—Phil DonahueAging but can still step on the gas.
Jose Maria Olazabal—Sally Jessy RaphaelHe has a woman's middle name; she has a man's.
Scottie Pippen—Regis PhilbinOvershadowed by teammate.
Darryl Strawberry—Chevy ChaseSic transit gloria.