Fan: Sir, I'm just eating a chili dog.
Usher: I know, but you're violating our emissions standards.
The prospective franchise in Baltimore may be owned by a man named Boogie Weinglass, a Crabtown clothier who hopes to become only the second man with a ponytail to own an NFL club. (The first was the late George Halas.)
The head of the investment group in Memphis is William B. Dunavant Jr., the world's biggest cotton magnate. But cotton is no longer king. The King is king. So Dunavant made one of his limited partners the Estate of Elvis Presley/Elvis Presley Enterprises, of which Priscilla Presley is president.
Priscilla Presley is president. This calls to mind the nicknames of these possible new teams. Jacksonville Jaguars. St. Louis Stallions. Ah, alliteration. Always annoying.
Of course, neither of those nicknames is as bad as the Carolina Panthers. This name violates the first rule of nicknaming your professional football team: Never have the word hers in your name, especially when the word Carol is already in it.
And while Baltimoreans would love to have a football team to replace the long-departed Colts, fans there are understandably loathe to cheer for a team that will be called the Rhinos. Thus, as folks in Baltimore see it, the Weinglass is still half empty.
Not so in Memphis, which has it all: The best owner and the best nickname. The Memphis group hasn't yet picked a nickname, though it short-listed Rockers and gave Heartbreakers some serious thought. Honest. Hound Dogs was considered and, alas, rejected too. Presumably, floppy ears would have been appended to the helmets.
Of course, I am biased in favor of the Memphians. For starters, Elvis gave me my nickname. ("Wise men say/Only Fools Rushin.") And, I'll admit, I just like the euphony of the word Memphians.
Samuel Goldwyn, the famously malaprop film mogul, once read a novel that was considered racy in its day but announced that he was going to make a motion picture of it anyway. With one minor alteration. "Where the author mentions lesbians," said Goldwyn, "we'll use Austrians."