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It is a very big job, Chief Racism Expunger, and it means commenting on all walks of life, especially sports. Luckily, you mention race and sports in the same day and those sleepy eyes wake right up and you get plenty of Mo' Better Views. "Dwight [Gooden] and [Darryl] Strawberry would never go public with this," Spike says, "but I know there's an unwritten policy on the Mets that only a certain number of blacks can be on the team. I wish the Mets would just come out and say, 'Look, most of the fans who come to our games are white. It's just business.' It would still be racism, but at least it wouldn't be veiled racism."
On college basketball: "Who do you think gets worse press, [Indiana coach] Bobby Knight or [Georgetown coach] John Thompson? Bobby Knight is a maniac, throwing this and that, stomping everywhere, but let John Thompson touch a player? Forget about it. He'd be lynched. On national TV no less."
On the NBA: "Why is the 12th guy on every team always white, 6'11" and dorky? Why do you think the Knicks got Kiki [Vandeweghe, a white forward]? Everybody knows Kiki started the demise of the Knicks."
On Knick center Patrick Ewing and New York fans: "New York loves him now. But I can remember when these same people were calling him an ape and a baboon and a thug at Georgetown."
On this year's Super Bowl: "All that patriotism! It was scary. It was like people were waiting for the lynching to start."
And Spike doesn't confine his comments to interviews. There's this scene in She's Gotta Have It in which Mars is complaining to an acquaintance about having missed a Knick game when Bernard King scored 35 points in the first half.
'Nard was serving the whole Celtic squad. Even jammed in [Larry] Bird's ugly mug. A vicious death-defying highflying Brooklyn Bridge 360 slam dunk.
Hold up. That white boy is bad. Best player in the NBA.