If there was a goat in the press corps, it was the doofus who said to Raiders quarterback Jim Plunkett (left) at Super Bowl XV, "I'm having trouble keeping this straight. Is it dead father, blind mother, or dead mother, blind father?"
Plunkett replied, "Both my parents were blind, and my father is dead."
Speaking of parents, Redskins guard Russ Grimm declared before Super Bowl XVIII, "I'd run over my mother to win it."
Raiders linebacker Matt Millen agreed. He said, "I'd run over Grimm's mother too."
The fans, likewise, recognize the value of the big game. A classified ad in The Miami Herald before number XXIII read, "I have Super Bowl tickets. Will trade for a reliable car or truck."
The fan might have wanted, like Steelers defensive tackle Ernie Holmes, to get out of town. "I don't like this place," Holmes said of Miami. "People come here to play golf and die."
Perhaps at the Pearly Gates they will meet 49ers quarterback Joe Montana. After losing Super Bowl XXIII to San Francisco, Bengals wideout Cris Collinsworth said, "Joe Montana is not human. I don't want to call him a god, but he's definitely somewhere in between."
Only God can see the future, but humans try anyway. Before Super Bowl III, SI's Tex Mauk confidently predicted, "Colts, 47-0." It was Jets, 16-7.
Before Super Bowl XXIV, Terry Bradshaw said, "This sucker could be as bad as 55-3." The 49ers beat the Broncos 55-10, proving that even if Bradshaw (above, in his playing days) is no genius at spelling, he's got a pretty good feel for a point spread.
As for geniuses, Redskins coach Joe Gibbs said, after winning Super Bowl XXVI, "There have been only two in history, and none of them has been in football. Michelangelo was one of them, and I forget who the other was."