- TOP PLAYERSOffensePABLO S. TORRE | August 20, 2012
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- Faces in the CrowdJune 11, 2001
Her: Now just a damn second. One more time: He hates who?
Him: No, He Hate Me, you pea brain! If you're going to use it, get it right!
Her: Don't yell at me, Baldy! Where's this hate coming from!?!
Him: Lakeland, Florida. Tough neighborhood. His best friend is in prison right now, and his brother Boca, too. He's got another brother who's named Jad because his mom was in prison for drug trafficking when she had him and couldn't keep him and was sad, so she just combined "jail" and "sad" and came up with Jad. Then there's his brother Bone-Bone and sisters Fat Girl and Mom Mom Mom.
Her: [Sarcastically.] Must be a fun Christmas card to get.
Him: One night his mom tried to burn down a police monitoring station on her block. Except she forgot to drop the gas can before she lit the match and burned a third of her body. She wound up doing a month in the hospital and three years on probation.
Her: And because of that, this guy hates you?
Him: Oh, jeez! Nobody hates me, and nobody really hates him! As he says, "If somebody hate me, I don't know about it. I'm always happy." He's actually a damn good player. He was second in the XFL in rushing, and now he's one of the better kick-off returners in the league. This year he returned one 100 yards.
Her: [Icily.] Thrilling.
Him: Plus, he's a character like the Super Bowl hasn't seen in years. He purposely dresses like a '70s pimp—big platform shoes, big collars, plaid bell-bottom jumpsuits, mink hats. Gets a lot of it at Goodwill and the Salvation Army. He says he's going for that Huggy Bear, Andre 3000, Isley Brothers thing. And he's got a foot-high Afro that would make Dr. J misty. He hasn't cut his hair in almost two years.