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Unconventional Wisdom
Dick Friedman
September 01, 2008
With the Democratic and Republican conventions in the news, here's our vision of a golf world governed by the political parties' respective platforms.
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September 01, 2008

Unconventional Wisdom

With the Democratic and Republican conventions in the news, here's our vision of a golf world governed by the political parties' respective platforms.

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  REPUBLICANS DEMOCRATS
Commissioner Condi Rice Keith Olbermann
Headquarters Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla. Burlington, Vt.
Official Vehicle Hummer Prius
Majors • Charlton Heston Memorial
• Ozone Hole Open
• Ayn Rand Rich Pro--Richer Am
• San Francisco Very Mixed Four-ball
• Fair Trade Coffee Match Play
• The Entitlement Open
New Rules Unlimited clubhead size Clintons (unlimited mulligans)
Course Feature Flagsticks replaced by oil derricks Fairway wind farms
Purse Structure 1st: $1.4 million*
2nd: $1 million
3rd: $750,000
4th: $500,000
5th and below: $0
1st: $5,675
2nd: $5,674
3rd: $5,673
4th: $5,672
5th and below: $5,671
Slogan "These Guys Are Good and You're Not, So Suck on It" "These Guys Would Be Even Better If They Got a Federal Skills-Development Grant"

If the PGA Tour were run by the ...

[This article contains a table. Please see hardcopy of magazine or PDF.]

*100% tax deductible

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