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Left bumble—plays the left bumble position.
Right bumble—plays the right bumble position.
Left puppy—plays the left puppy position.
Right puppy—plays the right puppy position.
Center centrifugal—plays the center centrifugal position, but only as an alternate.
Stinger—the function of this player is not quite definite yet.
Beer bearer—the function of this player is obvious (in high school centrifugal bumble-puppy leagues this position is filled by the water boy).
Iritsky describes the game as follows: "The players from both teams station themselves around the Centrifugal Bumble-puppy Machine. The Doppler Data Digitizer (a player too important to be listed with the other players) of the home team throws the ball into the air and blows his whistle. The ball will fall into the top of the machine and slide down a chute to the spinning centrifugal disk. Whirled by the disk, the ball will shoot out one of the holes in the side of the machine's base, whereupon the nearest must try to catch it. The team whose player catches the ball shall be declared the winner of that point (called a feather). If the ball is not caught it shall be declared dead (called a leather) and the point shall be played over again.
"The Centrifugal Bumble-puppy Machine authorized by the league is not yet on the market but is expected to retail for about $87,000 (although land grant colleges may be able to get industrial discounts, and bulk-order discounts may be available to those who order more than five machines)." League President Iritsky emphasizes that newly organized teams should be careful not to buy an unofficial Centrifugal Bumble-puppy Machine; the common tendency, he adds, is for teams to "rush right out and buy the first Centrifugal Bumble-puppy Machine they run across."
To what does League President Iritsky attribute centrifugal bumble-puppy's spreading popularity? "It's the greatest thing since goldfish swallowing and it tastes better."