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I'm 6'5" with blue eyes, bench 425 and often win prizes for my coq au vin. I was valedictorian at Yale, can barrel roll an F/A-18 Hornet and dumped Elle Maepherson for hogging the covers.
True, I'm lying like Sam Donaldson's rug, but I don't care anymore. Lying is in. Lying is sweeping the nation. Everybody in America lied last week. Twice.
Take Gary Barnett, who has told enough white lies lately to frost a 10-tier wedding cake. As Northwestern football coach, Barnett kept insisting he'd never leave Chicago—usually after flirting with a job somewhere else. He talked to UCLA, Texas, Notre Dame and even got caught on the Georgia campus. He said he was there "to see the facilities."
"I'm here, and I will be here for the next 10 years of my contract," he said of Northwestern in December 1997. "I stand by my promises."
After that, he took a gander at Oklahoma, followed by Colorado. Two weeks ago he even went so far as to E-mail his players, "I will be back to take us to Pasadena!" Within days he accepted the job at Colorado.
"He gave us his word," said Wildcats sophomore running back Brian Marshall last week. "When anybody goes back on his word, you lose respect for him. How can you trust him?"
Is it any wonder that four of Backdoor Barnett's former players were indicted in December on perjury charges in connection with a gambling investigation?
Prosecutor: Young man, would you care to tell the court exactly what you were doing in the basement of noted gambling figure Double-Up Dougherty?
Northwestern athlete: I was just there to see the facilities!
Barnett lied as much as the guy he replaced at Colorado, Rick Neuheisel, who had been romanticizing during the season about "spending my career in one place" and modeling his career after Joe Paterno's at Penn State. "I'm anxious to be on board for the long ride," Neuheisel said after the Aloha Bowl in December. "I truly love working at Colorado." Two weeks later he took the job at Washington, jilting a room full of Colorado recruits waiting to have dinner with him. Joe Paterno? No. Joe Isuzu? Yes.