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AS HOLIDAY traditions go, it ranks right up there with receiving a fruitcake from your aunt Marge: the Lions playing on Thanksgiving, which they've been doing since 1934. Detroit has lost six of its last seven holiday games, but that won't stop us from watching them play Tennessee, because football is such a part of Thanksgiving—and because we want to see if they'll stay on course to go 0--16. But we're thinking the day's programming could be improved.
• Instead of the pregame coin toss, have the captains pull a wishbone.
• Since John Madden won't be at a game, bring in Frank Caliendo. Perhaps he can also do a passable impersonation of a QB for Detroit.
• Instead of Gatorade, winning coach gets doused with gravy.
• Send a large chunk of the proposed $25 billion auto industry bailout to the Lions for personnel upgrade.
• Have the Titans play against real lions.
THE ONE-AND-DONE culture of college basketball means that fascinating stories with staying power are hard to come by. Oh, sure, every year the Duke--North Carolina game will be huge. But what I really want to see this season has nothing to do with a rivalry or a player or even a particular game. Here's the deal: Bob Knight is calling games for ESPN. A lot of Indiana fans still miss him—especially given the soap opera the program has become. If ESPN brought him back to Bloomington, it would be one of the highlights of the season—no matter who the Hoosiers share the floor with that night.
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