Celtics coach, after being asked how long Kevin Garnett would be out with a strained abdominal muscle: "You know Doc's a nickname, correct?"
Memphis coach, on whether freshman guard Derrick Rose would leave for the NBA: "If he wants to do what's right for him and his family, he'll go pro. If he wants to do what's right for me and my family, he'll stay."
Jazz center, to a writer whose media credential was dated 20008: "Were you sent here to kill us all?"
Red Sox outfielder, on the team's decision to stop fans from spreading cremation ashes at Fenway Park: "It's kind of freaky knowing you're diving into somebody's grandpa."
Sixty-year-old fan, who won a $10,000 funeral at a Grand Prairie AirHogs minor league game: "I almost croaked many times. God has me around for a reason: to win a funeral."
The oldest living ex--major leaguer (he's 100), on today's players: "The hair's too long. Their beards are too evident. They're a grubby-looking bunch of caterwaulers."
Red Sox manager, when asked who was tougher to handle, his 14-year-old daughter or petulant slugger Manny Ramirez: "I plead the eighth."
To Politico.com, on his response to
The Washington Post
's saying it wouldn't cover his presidential campaign because he has no chance of winning: "Then why are you covering the Nationals?"