You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Setting the record straight

The American Family Association has rigged its websites so the word gay is automatically replaced with the word homosexual. Hence, an AP story picked up by the AFA site One News Now about an American sprinter's victory began, "Tyson Homosexual easily won his semifinal for the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials."

He then passed on the name of his defense lawyer to Plaxico Burress

A Helsinki court fined former NHL defenseman Jere Karalahti $1,900 after finding him guilty of using cocaine last year. Karalahti told the court that it was possible that he had used the drug, but that he couldn't be certain because at the time he was drunk.

Close call. The other option was sending him to Triple A

Astros pitcher Shawn Chacon, angered at being demoted to the bullpen, grabbed G.M. Ed Wade by the neck and threw him to the ground.

Thus earning himself a demotion to the Astros' bullpen

Cuban taekwondo athlete Angel Valodia Matos, a gold medal winner at Sydney in 2000, was disqualified from a match at the Beijing Games. Angry at the decision (for taking too long for an injury timeout), Matos ran at the referee, Chakir Chelbat of Sweden, kicked him in the face and spat on the mat as he was seized by security.

That spoiled his big plans to swap Nowitzki for Soriano

Mark Cuban's efforts to buy the Cubs hit a snag when he was indicted by federal authorities for insider trading. (Cuban denies the government's claims.)