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How Low Can Coaches Go?
Phil Taylor
February 23, 2009
THE TALLEST boy on a middle school playground answers his cellphone. "Hello," he says.
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February 23, 2009

How Low Can Coaches Go?

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KENNY: Duh. I just lost my last baby tooth a month ago.

COACH: Well, a booster is basically like the tooth fairy. He makes money just magically appear, but for kids who win games, not lose teeth.

KENNY: It all sounds great, Coach, but what if, like, when I'm a sophomore or junior in high school, I decide I want to go to another college instead?

COACH: I would hope that you're too loyal to back out of a commitment. Unless, of course, I'm coaching at another school by that time. Then I'd expect you to dump Shady like a bad girlfriend and come play for me there.

KENNY: Hold on, Coach, I'm getting another call.

(A few minutes of silence.)

KENNY: Um, that was my dad. He was pretty ticked when I told him you called me. He said that instead of regulating college coaches' contact with players my age, the NCAA should have banned it entirely. He thinks recruiting has gotten so crazy that you guys will be scouting my little brother's third-grade rec league team before long. I'm supposed to tell you to lose my phone number until I'm in high school.

COACH: He has a point. Tell your dad I'm sorry I bothered you.

KENNY: No problem.

COACH: But just out of curiosity, is your buddy Jimmy, the point guard, with you? Could you hand him the phone?

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