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Tiger's Blog: Say hello to my new friends
I'm stoked to introduce Team Tiger 2.0
By Tiger Woods
Ouch! I had to withdraw from the Players Championship with a neck injury that had zero connection to my car accident. I rehabbed it before the Memorial with therapy including soft-tissue massage, which has zero connection to what you're probably thinking. The doctors say my inflamed facet joint can cause headaches and pain in the neck, which pretty much sums up my year so far.
But it's all good, thanks to my new support group.
Hank Haney was an outstanding coach for six years. Hank and I will always be friends. And while I respect Sean Foley, the Harmon brothers and even Mike Bennett and Andy Plummer, my new swing guru is the real thing: the Dalai Lama. "Be the ball, grasshopper," he says, like a cross between Ty Webb and Master Po. Awesome. With His Holiness behind, around and within me, I'll be driving the ball on the narrow path again.
Steve Williams will no longer be my caddie. Stevie and I will always be friends, but he's being replaced by my mom. Mom's too frail to carry my Tour bag more than a few steps, so I'll carry it myself most of the time. Mom knows her yardages, knows all the players and will no longer tell me to "step on their throats." Instead, to show humility, I'll spend the Masters champions dinner "schleppin' their coats."
Bryon Bell will no longer be my wingman. Bryon and I will always be acquaintances. He will get a monthly check as long as he doesn't speak to the press, but he can reach me only through my new wingman, Dr. Drew Pinsky. Dr. Drew and I will be kicking it at the library and Al's Isleworth Pub & Grub, with its unshaven all-male waitstaff. I'll wear Hawaiian shirts on Sundays and rather than texting I will communicate by Candygram. I can't promise to stop cursing in the heat of competition, but from now on I will shout "Crikey!" or "Zut alors!"
Mark Steinberg at IMG will handle my remaining endorsements. Steinie and I will always be friends. I want to thank him for renaming the company the Impulse Management Group.