|
|
LOCKOUT |
NO LOCKOUT |
|
AUGUST |
Bill Belichick's girlfriend and kids suddenly become nation's biggest proponents of ending lockout. |
Tim Tebow's mother wipes a little schmutz off his face before telling her son how handsome he looks and dropping him off at training camp. |
|
|
Thousands of Green Bay fans fill Lambeau Field and raucously cheer the sprinkler system. |
Americans put down their fascinating and imaginative new hobbies so they can watch TV. |
|
SEPTEMBER |
U.S. crime rate officially up 5,000%. |
Ben Roethlisberger thanks God he's forced to go back to work before he does something stupid again. |
|
|
Peyton Manning shrivels up into a ball and dies. |
Peyton Hillis handles his 350th carry for his 461st yard—in Week 3. |
|
OCTOBER |
Tony Romo hurts arm tossing a shirt into the hamper. |
Bills lose first four; back in the swing of things! |
|
|
Thousands of NFL fans put finishing touches on their Victorian-era romance novels. |
Another Sunday, another flawless Cris Collinsworth performance. |
|
NOVEMBER |
Jay Cutler spends Thanksgiving pouting after passing gravy to the wrong family member. |
Eagles coach Andy Reid frantically scours NFL waivers to see if any team released a tasty snack. |
|
DECEMBER |
NFL Network custodian discovers filthy Rich Eisen huddled under a desk, uses broom to shoo him away. |
Distraught Bengals fan wishes his franchise had never existed; angel appears, shows him a better universe where this is the case. |
|
|
A Raymond James Stadium groundskeeper figures there's no harm in firing off the cannons a few times since nobody is around. |
Fans wish NFL hadn't been able to save those damned Thursday games that nobody can watch from home anyway. |
|
JANUARY |
Still no one watching hockey. |
Excited Chiefs player runs into locker room carrying a thick envelope from CFL's admissions office. |
|
|
Jerry Jones holds Super Bowl victory parade for the Cowboys, who didn't not win the title. |
Rex Ryan hoists Lombardi Trophy--shaped Super Bowl XLVI collectible cup of Diet Pepsi, spills soda all over shirt and living room couch. |
[This article contains a table. Please see hardcopy of magazine or PDF.]
PRINT
EMAIL
MOST POPULAR
SHARE
.