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Last week was quite a comedown for a pair of job-hunting former stars, Terrell Owens and Allen Iverson. Owens held a workout at a Los Angeles--area high school, but no NFL teams took him up on his invitation to attend. (T.O. also had to deal with a report that he had tried to commit suicide with an overdose of pills in early October, which he denied through his publicist.) After a year out of the NBA, Iverson, who once said he felt disrespected when asked to come off the bench, told Yahoo! Sports that he's now willing "to help any squad in any capacity." If the temperamental twosome had commiserated with each other, I know just how the conversation would have gone. O.K., actually I don't. But don't you suspect it would have sounded something like this?
T.O.: You get any phone calls yet?
A.I.: Nope. I haven't even heard a rumor. You?
A.I.: This is crazy. We're A.I. and T.O.—there's a reason you can't have an alphabet without us. I mean, you have six Pro Bowls in your back pocket, T.O. There's no club that could use a receiver with the second-most yards in NFL history? I know you're 37 and you had ACL surgery in April, but you're healthy now. Teams should be chasing you the way I used to chase my next jump shot.
T.O.: Trust me, you don't have to remind me how fantastic I am. I'm obviously in great shape—that's why I take my shirt off every 20 minutes. But what about you, A.I.? You're an 11-time All-Star guard with four scoring titles, a former MVP. You might be 36, but you could go out there right now and score 20 in your robe and slippers. A future Hall of Famer like you shouldn't have to send out word that he'd do anything for a roster spot. I never thought I'd hear the great A.I. sound so hum ... so hum... .
A.I.: Humble? I know, I have a hard time saying it too. I guess you'll have to get used to it, considering the way the whole NFL ignored your workout last week.
T.O.: You should have stopped by. I could have used the company.
A.I.: No, that's not for me, man. A workout sounds too much like practice, and you know how I feel about practice. I mean, practice? We're talking 'bout practice? Not a game. Practice. We're talking 'bout prac. ...
T.O.: Yeah, sorry. I forgot. Didn't mean to get you going on that. I can't figure it out, though. The only team that's shown interest in me so far is from the Arena league, and I'm pretty sure they were just looking for some attention. I hate when people do that.