WHAT HE MEANT: "I don't think Bobby should be fired. I think he should stand in the middle of Harvard Square for 24 hours with a sign that says, I WILL NEVER AGAIN UTTER A CRITICAL WORD ABOUT KEVIN YOUKILIS. I think he should have to do wind sprints at a Celtics practice with Kevin Garnett ripping into him every step of the way. I think he should have to let the Bruins aim slap shots at his five hole. I think he should be stuck on an unventilated elevator with the Patriots' offensive line after two-a-days."
WHAT HE SAID: "Tim Tebow seems to be a wonderful young man, and he's got just a great winning attitude.... But there's going to be a lot of tension in that situation, so it'll be pretty interesting to see how it plays itself out." —President Obama, on Jets quarterbacks Tebow and Mark Sanchez
WHAT HE MEANT: "Tebow's a wonderful young man, but trust me, when two guys are competing for the same job, eventually it gets ugly. Fortunately, I find that awkwardness can be entertaining. For instance, I saw this older gentleman on TV the other night, standing in front of a big crowd while holding an imaginary conversation with—get this—an empty chair. I couldn't stop watching. Hilarious!"
WHAT HE SAID: "What I see is terrible. What I see is pathetic, including myself." —Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen, on the wretched play of his team, in last place in the NL East
WHAT HE MEANT: No translation necessary. Can't put it any more plainly than that.