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Moderator: That was quite beautiful, but may I ask why you sang to us?
Beyoncé: I did it at a press conference last week, and it seemed to put the media in a blissful mood. They barely asked me anything about lip-synching the anthem at the inauguration last month. Most of the questions were more along the lines of "Beyoncé, which word do you think more accurately describes you, fabulous or amazing?" That's what I've learned—people treat you really well when you sing sweetly to them first. I'm thinking about beginning all my interviews with the national anthem from now on. I would advise you gentlemen to do the same.
Lewis: I don't sing, but I dance a little bit.
Beyoncé: Ray, take it from someone who does dance a little bit. No, you don't.
Culliver: I don't think singing would help me. I just have to continue to eat humble pie.
Goodell: Did you say something about pie? That would be great. I'm starving.
Moderator: We're getting a little bit off track here. I see that our time is almost up, so if I could make one observation before you leave. It seems that you were all fed, willingly or not, to our collective hunger for some measure of controversy while we waited for game day. What I've learned is that during Super Bowl week the serious and the absurd will always be lumped together, which is both the appeal and the shame of it. Most of it is manufactured, and much of it is nonsense, which makes it the perfect holiday for what our culture has become. Congratulations and condolences for becoming a part of it.
Goodell: I don't want to be a nuisance, but you mentioned hunger and being fed.
Moderator: Somebody please get the commissioner a sandwich?