Your Team.... My Team....

YOUR SLUGGER is a steroid-dripping cheat. Y SLUGGER has made a major off-season commitment to reshaping his body.

YOUR SUPERSTAR is a selfish and arrogant narcissist who can't even stand his own teammates, much less his fans. Y SUPERSTAR is focused.

YOUR CHEERLEADERS are uglier than the primates at the Tehran Zoo. Y CHEERLEADERS reject the old, chauvinistic notions of spirit leaders.

YOUR COLLEGE'S BASKETBALL COACH is a perverted lush who has rubbed up against more coeds than a sorority-house beagle. Y COLLEGE'S BASKETBALL COACH understands the importance of student-body support.

YOUR STADIUM is a bandbox with more tricked-up features than a plastic surgeon's waiting room. Y STADIUM is neoclassic.

YOUR SHORTSTOP hasn't had a decent year since David Wells was a size medium. Y SHORTSTOP is primed for a breakout season.

YOUR NASCAR DRIVER is a No-Doz-addicted maniac who is out there putting lives in peril. Y NASCAR DRIVER is racin'.

THE PARENTS ON YOUR KID'S SOCCER TEAM are ref-baiting loudmouths who need to get a life. HE PARENTS ON MY KID'S SOCCER TEAM are fully engaged in the lives of their children.

YOUR COACH is a bloodthirsty, chair-heaving madman who ought to be handcuffed for emotionally and physically bullying his players and staff. Y COACH is old school.

YOUR DRAFT CHOICE is a complete bust. Y DRAFT CHOICE is still getting comfortable with the intricacies of the system.