Your Team.... My Team....

YOUR TEAM sucks. Y TEAM is in the first year of its annual five-year rebuilding program.

YOUR TEAM is full of thugs, criminals and perverts. Y TEAM is colorful.

YOUR COLLEGE COACH wouldn't suspend his star players even if they stored the stolen stereos under his desk. Y COLLEGE COACH believes in due process.

YOUR QUARTERBACK is dumber than a bottle of peroxide. He wouldn't know the playbook if Elmo read it to him. Y QUARTERBACK relies on his athletic instincts.

YOUR ANNOUNCER is a shameless, drunk homer. Y ANNOUNCER is the last of a dying breed.

YOUR TEAM'S FANS are the kind of single-toothed, liquor-soaked, foulmouthed vermin that real vermin cross the street to avoid. Y TEAM'S fans are fiercely loyal.

YOUR DEPARTING SUPERSTAR sold out teammates, fans and the city that supported him for 20 years just to grab an easy ring. Y ARRIVING SUPERSTAR isn't afraid to chase his dreams.

YOUR OWNER is a silver-spoon billionaire who bought a championship just because he could. Y OWNER is part of the capitalist system that made this country great.

YOUR PITCHER is a headhunter. Y PITCHER controls the inside of the plate.

YOUR NBA COACH was a weed-smoking hippie who does nothing more than roll the balls out every day to one of the greatest rosters in league history. Y NBA COACH lets 'em play.