Show time

With the networks hustling to finalize their fall schedules in time to unveil them to advertisers in May, I figured I'd pitch a couple of show ideas.

Granted, these might seem oddly familiar, but isn't television all about repackaging old formulas?

Isiah Thomas' The Apprentice 4

For those too beset by failure and mismanagement to ever have a shot at working for The Donald, do not worry. Simulated tasks require contestants to re-sign Allan Houston, hire an inept head coach, and even draft the Knicks first-round pick. Andrew Bogut? You're fired. Sean May? Get out of here. Rashad McCants? Bingo. Who else would fit in with the shoot-first, shoot-second, mentality of Stephon Marbury, and Jamal Crawford

The final challenge will pit the remaining two contestants against each other in the battle to sign the most overweight or injury-riddled pro player to a six-year, $90-million contract. And you thought Shawn Kemp should retire?

American Pariah

Staying within the reality genre, this competition pits 12 former all-star athletes against each other to see who will win the title of American Pariah. In the first round America will vote off the athlete with the least offensive rap sheet. The fallen stars will need more than a couple DUI's on their record to move on. Subsequent challenges include sobriety tests, violating restraining orders and several paternity tests.

Contestants will be asked to write a tell-all memoir detailing their steroid/alcohol/cocaine/hooker addiction during their playing days. Those able to implicate high profile teammates should finish in the top four. The winner of American Pariah is the athlete whose allegations prompt a congressional inquiry.

"18"

If you love the Masters, then you'll love 18. Each week this slow-paced drama will focus on a different hole at Augusta National. But don't be fooled by the seemingly harmless presence. The drama kicks off at the first tee when Martha Burk hatches a plan to takeover the 18th hole. As the suspense builds as to whether the feminist mastermind will bring down the greatest golf tournament in the land, we also learns that one of the golfers is wearing extra-long spikes! If you thought seeing Phil Mickelson win his first major was a thrill ride, buckle up for 18.