Is Crane a pain?

Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. -- George Carlin

Ben Crane's controversial snail-like win at last week's US Bank Championship brought a firestorm of irate opinions over his oh-so-slow play. In light of his contentious run-in with Rory Sabbatini at the Booz Allen Classic in June, Crane's plodding manner now makes him the poster boy for dawdling golf.

Even speedy Tour vet Lanny Wadkins' patience wore thin. "Sometime today!" he shouted while watching Crane during the CBS broadcast .

SI.com colleague Chris Lewis' interview with Crane exposed a nice, remorseful guy who nevertheless failed to quell his critics. Crane mentioned a swing change as the predominate culprit for his tortoise pace, explaining that if he plays too fast, his game will suffer.

However, my cynical gut says if he's immediately assessed penalty strokes, his pace will magically accelerate.

Slow play is the bane of golf. It takes too long already, so inhibiting play further causes additional headaches. Vijay Singh recently blew a gasket, saying, "It's ridiculous. You play a round of golf in five hours and wait on every shot. It's just like the officials are just blind."

Bingo. You can fault players all you want, but until officials are empowered with enough juice to enforce penalties with bite, expect the tortoises to continue angering the hares.

Two-time Tour winner Paul Stankowski (currently recovering from wrist and shoulder surgery and working on XM Satellite's PGA Tour radio broadcast) also agrees with the officials' shortcomings. Surprisingly, he wants the players to quit complaining and deal with it.

"Adversity is part of the game," Stankowski says. "Sure, slow play affects me, but so do bogeys, three-putting from 12 feet and strong winds. Tour players need to shut up and play. They should complain to officials, not the media. If a player is willing to be fined or penalized, that's his problem and we have to deal with it. Officials have to be given more power to enforce the rules -- and the Tour needs to make a strong stand."

Adds Stankowski: "Put every group on the clock starting on the first tee. Right now, we don't even know when we're being clocked. We then receive a warning, followed by another warning, then a one-stroke penalty. It's too long. By warning everyone on the first tee, it puts all on immediate notice. In addition, make the penalties hurt. First offense; fine and one stroke. Second; double the fine and another stroke. Third offense; automatic disqualification.