Ian Kinsler helping Jewish fans conquer Shawn Green withdrawal

Ever since the end of the 2007 baseball season, the Manischewitz in the Pearlman household has tasted a tad sour. The matzo ball soup has been mushy and bland, the blintzes moldy, the lox discolored, the gefilte fish unbearably salty.

So life has been without (sigh) Shawn Green

Ah, Shawnie, Shawnie, Shawnie -- where have you gone? Dating to his debut with Toronto some 16 years ago, Green gave Jewish sports fans a reason to read the box scores every weekday morning and say an extra prayer at shul every Friday night (Baruch attah Adonai, elohaynu melech ha-olam, get-a homer, off-a Jason Christiansen ...). Sure, there have been Jewish ballplayers throughout the years. Nice, decent, skilled men like Brian Bark, Micah Franklin, Keith Glauber and Gabe Kapler (who, notably, sports a Jewish star tattoo on his leg). Green, though, was our modern-day Hank Greenberg; our salvation.

Did he have a Bar Mitzvah? Well, no.

Did he attend services? Well, no.

Did he marry a fellow Jew? Well, uh, no.

But Green was the product of two Jewish parents, proud of his cultural heritage and -- most important -- willing to speak to each and every reporter from the Arizona Jewish Post and Buffalo Jewish Review and Charleston Jewish Journal who tiptoed up to his locker and kvetched about the weather.

Whereas standouts like Sandy Koufax and Greenberg and, uh, Rod Carew (not actually Jewish, but he did wear a Chai pendant around his neck, which was good enough for us) once paved the kosher baseball landscape, by the time Green came along the crop was dry. He became baseball's new unofficial spokesperson for The Chosen (To Generally Stink at All Sports) People, and even if every single one of my relatives boasts the athleticism of a dried prune hamentaschen, we could always point to Green and bellow, "Mazel Tov! The Jews can play, too!"

Now, alas, Shawn Green is long gone -- yet another Jewish retiree (albeit, one who's 36-years-old) basking in the warm days and Bingo nights of Southern California.

Oy.